The Truth About Self-Discovery, and Why it's the First Step to a Fulfilling Life

How much of your life is in your control? 

Deep down, many of us harbor ideas about who and what we should be in order to be loved, accepted, and successful. As a society, we learn and are evaluated from a young age to please, achieve, and live up to certain standards and expectations that are set out by others. 

We’re evaluated, judged, and corrected on our rights and wrongs, based on the perspectives and opinions of others. 

Maybe we’ve learned that love is to be earned through good behavior and grades, and being that model child to make your parents proud.

Maybe we think that our physical attractiveness is our greatest attribute, because the attention that we receive makes us feel like someone - someone worthy of love and affection. 

The truth is, these are all masks that we use to protect ourselves from our weaknesses. The parts that we are shameful and insecure about. The parts that remind us that we’re not good enough, that we can’t compare. The parts of us that we think are fundamentally flawed, and if others see this, they’ll surely judge and run away. 

Parents, teachers, siblings, peers, and society constantly evaluate whether we are acceptable. We grow up turning away from some of our core desires because somewhere along the way, we were conditioned to believe that we were “wrong.”

 

Are You Living in Cognitive Dissonance?

When you reflect on your life, are you living according to your own desires, or do you feel the pressure to live up to the expectations of your peers and society? 

Are you living a life guided by honest, thoughtful, and intentional considerations to the core person that you are? Or has your ideal been shaped and influenced by certain beliefs from your external world about what is considered valuable, successful, and acceptable -  the traits you should be exhibiting, the person you should become, or the life that you should lead?

There is no “right” way to live your life. Every individual is shaped uniquely based on their experiences, influences, temperament, childhood, personalities, strengths, weaknesses, and gifts. With so many influences and pressures in modern society telling us who and what we should be, our only hope is that we can know and live an honest life that serves our highest purpose. 

‘Cognitive Dissonance’ is when we act differently than what we think or want. Psycom.net describes it as “a mental conflict that occurs when your beliefs don't line up with your actions. It's an uncomfortable state of mind when someone has contradictory values, attitudes, or perspectives about the same thing.” 

That splitting feeling inside of you of guilt, shame, poor self-esteem, and wishing you were just enough may be an indicator that you aren’t living a life that is aligned, truthful, and serving your highest purpose. 

It’s time to be honest with yourself. 

 

The Illusion of Worth and Value

If you’ve ever felt like you should have turned out better, achieved more, and lived up to your potential to make yourself feel less like a failure or disappointment, then it’s worth examining the root causes of these feelings. 

You are not a project that needs to constantly be fixed, and you don’t have to wait until you feel “ready” or “complete” in order to feel worthy of letting good things happen to you.

Your life is not meant to be lived in a constant state of despair, disappointment, turmoil, lack, or criticism.

There’s an illusion in society that acceptance, happiness, and success come from external validation of our achievements. Many of us have been taught at a young age that our value and worth as a person are earned - through our grades, profession, status, influence, or being exactly the person that someone wants or needs us to be. 

This may look like becoming that high-achieving daughter with a medical degree even though your interest is in the arts. Perhaps it’s being the ever-tolerating partner in your relationship, no matter how toxic it may be. Or, it’s maintaining a certain social influence or image to ensure your likeability and acceptance. Maybe it’s about being the provider and living up to the qualities of a “man”, regardless of how miserable that high-paying career makes you feel.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with these spectacular achievements and shouldering responsibility for others, it becomes a problem when our self-identity is entirely intertwined with these external accomplishments. 

Sometimes, we become so stuck in the paradigm of who we should be, how life should look like that we lose touch with our truth. Sure, it may look like we’re accomplished and successful. We may be comfortable knowing that we’re living an ideal life. We feel proud because this is who we should be. But how does it really feel?

Tapping into Self-Reflection and Cultivating Your Truth

Contrary to popular belief, shedding those feelings of shame, guilt, or being behind in life isn’t to be or do “more” - it’s about truly knowing who we are. 

The truth is, earning approval from others will never truly make you happy, but rather keep us on a hamster wheel of needing more in order to feel good about ourselves. 

When we base our confidence and value on others, we live in an illusion of a safety net that is fallible and can be punctured at any time. You may momentarily feel accepted, valued, and worthy, but stable and sustained fulfillment can only come from within.  

Knowing yourself is about breaking up with society’s standards and expectations and coming home to your true self. Living life on your own terms based on your values, personality, desires, and experiences. 

When we cultivate our self-understanding, we tap into our core values and beliefs about what gives us meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. 

When we dare face ourselves in all honesty, we can work towards accepting all that we are without the opinions of others, regardless of whether others think we’re right or not. We find confidence in our thoughts, feelings, and existence in life.

Exploring, evaluating, and examining yourself is a challenging task, and it takes a lot of courage to do so. As humans, we are the most critical towards ourselves - no one takes our mistakes harder than we do, but that also means that we have the power and ability to affirm ourselves in our full power. 

By understanding ourselves, we’re able to build a sense of identity that is strong and steady, identify our strengths and weaknesses, and recover from our mistakes with greater compassion and success. When we examine ourselves without consideration of external expectations, we gain insight into our unique value, worthiness, and capabilities.

We learn to love ourselves a little bit more, face ourselves with a bit more grace and compassion, and work towards being kind to ourselves. 

You know yourself best - better than any family member, friend, teacher, mentor, or coworker could ever know about you.

You are worth the journey.

 

The Family Centre is Here For You

If you feel ready to dive deeper, The Family Centre offers a Journey to Self-Discovery workshop where a facilitator can help you find greater confidence and love within yourself.